Can't sleep

It's pretty close to 4am and I am wide awake! I started watching Army Wives which I should not have. I know it is just a tv show and it is really nothing like the real world, yet I can't help but cry along with the characters.  It also struck a nerve because I told Tim that I did not want him to come see me  during this R&R .  I felt that he needed to take care of things in New York to prepare for us to live together and well for my own selfish reasons I couldn't bare to spend time with him and then have to send him back to a war zone. I know I know he is in the army and yes I am fully aware of what I signed up for when I said yes, however I also am aware that he is getting out of the military so I shouldn't have to part from him in the future.  Sort of second guessing my train of thought!!! Even though he did need to take care of stuff at the house.